Drunk St. Patrick’s Day Revelers On The Train Back From Chicago: Some Notes

Published March 17, 2013 by pipsqueak

weirdly nationalistic drinking day (via bloggingthelaw)

Everything is so fucking green on this fucking train.

We walked through a river of drunken, green-colored humanity to get here. I thought we were done with them when we got on the train (which is pleasingly beige and burnt-umber colored).

But then they flooded in, talking loudly about iced tea and farting and about who was going to sleep on who. Green glittery eyeshadow, green manicures, green mardi gras beads, green t-shirts and sweaters and pants. The accessorizing is remarkable, but it is in the headgear category that the revelers have truly outdone themselves. Sequined green fedoras with shamrocks on them, plush hat type things that surround the wearer’s face with giant shamrock leaves, foam leprechaun hats, headbands with springs that erupt into feathery nylon explosions. Some people have their hair painted green, sprayed until both scraggily goatee and skin below are garishly verdant.

A trifecta of terrible themed t-shirts:

  • Irish you were beer
  • I {mustache} you for beer
  • A green shirt that said Keep Calm and (Probably Something About Beer, but it was obscured by a North Face)

I am feeling kind of smugly superior but mostly really annoyed that the calm of our train ride has been shattered by loud, slurred speech and the smell of cheap beer. If someone tries to pinch me because I’m not wearing green, I will end them.

Someone just mooned the second half of the train and is now chanting “THIS IS AMERUCA. USA USA USA USA.”

Two women disappeared into the bathroom together. A drunken man tries to tell the suspicious conductor,  not very convincingly, that they are sisters.

Over the course of the train ride, I have become irritable and hateful of the color green. The color  now produces a knee-jerk reaction wherever I see it. I saw the green shutters on a charming cottage of a house and I became angry at the house.


One comment on “Drunk St. Patrick’s Day Revelers On The Train Back From Chicago: Some Notes

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